"I woke up today and found..."

Here in Texas, the winter is finally setting in.  The grass beside the parking lot is nothing but unkempt hanks of dry withered husks.  A million birds flutter aimlessly from wire to wire. 

I was going to begin this post with a meditation on bird migrations because it is true that I have never seen anything like the gangs of birds that gather here in winter.  And it turns out that there are some interesting facts about bird tracking, like this article about scientists outfitting birds with tiny backpacks.

Then I was going to circle back to the winter and talk about some of my favorite winter things, like this song by Joni Mitchell.

But, as it turns out, that is not what I am going to post about at all. 

Because when I went to search for that song, I happened to type in the first few lyrics in Google: "I woke up today and found," and let me tell you, some people are having some very weird days.  Here are some examples:

• Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth.
• Today, I woke up and found a banana costume laying on my couch. I've never owned a banana costume and I live alone.
•  I woke up today with black residue inside my nose, what is it? 

 But possibly the worst day of all is this, from KGB Answers:

• I woke up today and found my dad eating a severd foot. What do I do?

 
To which the moderator has kindly and sensibly responded: "We would suggest you call the police, as someone has to be dead for this to happen."

Well, I have to say, best of luck to these folks, especially that last one.  We can only hope that our days will be more bananas than spider legs.